MovieGuy

’Tis the season of the summer blockbuster, a time when real men hit the theatres for car chases, explosions, and car chases & explosions. One movie, coming out July 29, offers horsepower of an entirely unexpected variety, given that it’s paired up with next-gen sci-fi monster mayhem. And its title takes reductive math to a sublime extreme: Cowboys & Aliens.

Talk about a crystal-clear mission statement. How could audiences not embrace a movie so resolutely minimalist in its conception and marketing? Cowboys & Aliens: This title tells us absolutely everything we need to know about what we’re going to see; in fact, as guys, it’s what we want to see.

We appreciate the confidence of knowing our summer blockbuster will include no symbolic chess match with the Grim Reaper (1991’s Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey notwithstanding). We require assurance that no kind-hearted speech therapists will jowl-wobble at repressed royals. We can barely handle the idea of a maddeningly ambiguous spinning top in our film’s final frames. Again: reductive math. The C&A formula dictates that there will be some cowpokes, yes, and also some space bugs. In the middle of the summer, that will be more than enough.

Come to think of it, you could use mathematical equations to describe many of this season’s big movies, for instance:

Superhero + World War II = Captain America: The First Avenger
Hitchcock + Comedy = Horrible Bosses
(Nerds + Magic)8 = The latest Harry Potter sequel

Still, the beyond-simple arithmetic of Cowboys & Aliens remains so compelling, they didn’t need to think of a real title. Before even seeing a half-second of any trailer, you knew, deep in your soul that these legendary forces, these cowboys and these aliens, would clash, mightily, and that by the end one group would stand victorious, while the other would lie in the dust, battered, defeated, and torn asunder. The potential for bloody, brutal conflict, the ultimate outcome — and which side you will be rooting for — could not be more obvious if the movie were called Good & Evil, or Vikings & Hipsters, or Power Tools & Zach Galifianakis.

Other films have tried to use similar movie-man math magic, but haven’t found the same success. This year’s Mega Python vs. Gatoroid held promise in theory, but ended up a small-screen disappointment. And you’d think that the formula Vampires + Werewolves would produce some thoroughly dude-centric cinema, but instead we’re facing the fourth in a series of five Twilight movies. Maybe someone forgot to carry the 2.

Even though purity of concept alone earns Cowboys & Aliens the official Dudes’ Stamp of Pre-Approval, it’s worth noting that the film’s guy-friendly pedigree runs deeper. C&A’s director, Jon Favreau, first made his mark in the film world by writing and starring in the classic male-bonding indie hit, Swingers (1996). His two recent massively successful Iron Man movies not only proved that Favreau knows his way around Omega-level mayhem, but also answered the timeless question: What if Swingers’ sleazy playa’, Trent (Vince Vaughn), was a billionaire supergenius?

So, the Fav knows what guys like, and he gives it to them. Which, finally, gets us to C&A’s casting, arguably as alluring as the title, at least for your typical guy. Shockingly, I’m not talking about Olivia Wilde — I’m talking about the fact that Cowboys & Aliens stars Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford. Think about that. Maybe that’s why they went with the simple title in the end. Because James Bond and Indiana Jones’s Awesome Blokes Team-Up That Will Blow Your Mind!, however accurately it describes the film, would just be too silly for a movie poster.

CaptainAmerica HorribleBosses HarryPotter

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Images courtesy of MovieWeb and Universal Pictures.