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When I host a dinner party, I like to assign tasks to my guests; I’ll have one pour cocktails while the other sets the table. My girlfriend insists this is rude, that our guests should do nothing. What do you think?
This is an argument that often occurs between generations. I have it myself with my mother, who wouldn’t dream of asking a guest to set the table: The table has been set since the morning, and the soup and dessert were made the night before. Indeed, when she is hosting doesn’t even want to appear to be cooking; she wants the courses to seem to materialize by magic. But then I suspect she also would prefer the cooking to take place in a kitchen that is separate, walled off, invisible. In modern houses, this is rarely the case. Nowadays we cook, eat and socialize in the same room.
The separate kitchen is really only useful for those with servants who can cook and bring out food while they sit with a martini in the living room and regale their guests with their amusing anecdotes. If you are not one of these people, you probably live in a space where your guests are going to have to see you cooking and plating at some point. And in these modern, open, secretless spaces, it is natural for the preparing of the meal to become part of the social activity of the evening. And I find people enjoy being given something to do: activity dissipates any social awkwardness and creates a bustling and convivial atmosphere.
Furthermore, if I waited until I had a free day to prepare every little thing that needs doing before dinner guests arrive – the setting of the table, the mixing of the salad dressing – I would simply never have people over. You can’t work full time and have dinners like these. And it’s preferable to have a slightly hectic party than no parties at all.
I really can’t imagine anyone – even someone who doesn’t know her hosts very well – being offended at being asked to pour a glass of wine or even slice a pepper. It makes most people happy to be useful.
The only limit on this I would suggest is to refrain from asking anyone to chop an onion. And don’t ask guests to use any equipment they’re not familiar with: even the standard waiter’s corkscrew creates performance anxiety in some people. Also, some people are nervous about opening champagne bottles, so always do that yourself.
Image courtesy of 96 dpi.
I understand your point of view Russell, but I am still on side with your mother. Your mother and I may share this in common. We do not like others in our kitchen — guests included. It is better to get up earlier, prepare ahead, and stay up late than have someone do our dirty dishes for us. It is just the way we are.
I agree 100% with your mother, BUT, your point about having your pre-prandial preps sidelined by the very ungentrified need to work for a living does raise a practical problem for proletarians. However, there is a solution: a chest freezer which will give you several months during which you can assemble your menu items. The real killer for an open-plan dwelling is clearing the dining table which must be done. No one want to spend the rest of the evening in the jpresence of food remnants and possibly odoriferous leftovers. The little French rent-a-maid would be a great solution but whether it would be a cost-effective solution is another matter. About the trials and tribs of the gentry,it seems appropiorate to paraphrase a comment by Marvin Mudrick in his critique of “Pride and Prejudice”: “Dinner is simple, straightforward, and immediate only for very simple people.”