It occurs to me that some readers might actually be trying to follow my wedding saga week after week and I’m not doing a good job of dropping bread crumbs along the way. Others may just be curious what kind of planets may be in orbit of a groom-to-be’s head as the Day approaches.
So, herewith, a week in pre-wedding frenzy:
• Quite by accident, I have found out what my stag trip is. I wasn’t supposed to. I can’t tell my brother/best man since it will break his heart; he’s got this thing about surprises. It’s a trip to my favourite U.S. city, one I mentioned several columns back. They had a little hurricane problem as I recall.
• Email from her. Subject line: This better not be you!
The entire content of the message is a link to a sex advice column, in which a best man frets that he is expected to hire whores for the groom and his merry men.
My fiancée has a suspicious streak, but sending me an email in which she jokingly — but, underneath it, genuinely — worries I’ll be hiring a hooker? Let’s just say I’m too busy to take the time to be insulted.
• The invitations are designed and just about ready to be sent out; this comes as a result of another kind deed by my best man/brother, who is a graphic designer. They’re kind of funny. They feature our silhouttes in a sort of Victorian tableau. My fiancée is in love with them. My fellow hetero gentlemen, invitations can take on a significance we’ll never understand, and thus her happiness is mine. The alternative is angst.
• What were you doing during the Canada-United States men’s gold medal hockey game? I was at home watching it by myself, because our appointment at the damn cupcake place delayed my getting to the pub. Hope she appreciates that one.
• Deposit cheques are flying; I have little idea anymore what we’re spending. The following things ended up costing more than we alotted in the budget: food, furniture rentals, officiant, booze, my tuxedo and shoes, bridesmaids’ gifts. But at least the providers of the above can be tracked down; the DJ and live musicians have gone AWOL on us. Answer your bloody emails, fools, we’re trying to pay you!
• She just took a job that will have her working her ass off for about 20 days straight in June, right before the wedding. I’ll be left running the show as the wedding approaches. Wonderful.
• She’s watching The Bachelor. The eponymous fellow, while undeniably hunky, also tends to be lacrimose. “I’m glad you don’t cry all the time,” says my fiancée.
That makes two of us.
Image courtesy of Curtis Gregory Perry on flickr
]]>K-OS Theory, Thursday, 8 p.m.
Don’t sit at home like a crab in a bucket; bop to Toronto crossover b-boy K-OS, accompanied by electro outfit Woodhands. Opera House, 735 Queen St. W., $ 25.
Bro City, Friday, 10:30 p.m.
Promising “testosterone-infused” comedy, coupled with “guy philosophy,” improv troupe Mantown will get you hammered on laughs (and beer) at an “improvised keg party” during their 5th anniversary show. Comedy Bar, 945 Bloor St. W., $10.
Redundant Redundancy, Friday, 12:10 a.m.
Hot Hot Heat’s (pictured above) implacable buoyancy take the thermostat for a spin at the Horseshoe Tavern for Canadian Music Fest. 370 Queen St. W., $17.
Come Out in the Rain, Saturday, 7 p.m.
Let Johnny Depp regale you with the free-wheeling, sex-and-drugs addled legend of the Lizard King himself in the new Doors doc When You’re Strange. Royal Cinema, 608 College St.
Luck of the Irish, Sunday, Noon
There’s no better opportunity to surround yourself by a sea of carousing facilitators than the St. Paddy’s Day parade. You don’t have to be drunk, but this is the one day when no one will hold it against you. Parade starts at St. George and Bloor, heads down Yonge, moves west on Queen to University.
Image courtesy of foshydog flickr
Night at the Museum, Friday, 7:30 p.m.
FUSE transforms the Vancouver Art Gallery into a lo-fi pop-punk house party with sets by NO KIDS, Kick Evrything, and former New Pornographer, Dan Bejar (pictured above). 750 Hornby St., $19.50.
Shine-r, Friday, 12 a.m.
Hit the floor at Shine’s weekly hip hop, reggae, and dancehall night, Get Up Get Down. Shine Nightclub, 364 Water St., $12.
Sad Sack, Saturday, 7 p.m.
Veteran Canadian comedian Jeremy Hotz rails his way through a night at the Vogue Theatre. 918 Granville St., $42.50.
Night Light, Sunday, 2 p.m.
Vancouver artist Tiko Kerr recaptures lost history with paintings of some of the more than 19,000 neon signs that lit up the city’s night sky in the 1950s. Winsor Gallery, 3025 Granville St. Free.
Viva Italia, Sunday, 7 p.m.
Rustic Northern Italian cuisine meets locavore sensibilities at La Quercia (“Red Oak”) in Kits. Homey and hip, the comfortable, casual trattoria features wood floors, comfortable leather banquettes, a tumbled marble bar, and modern art in gold-leaf frames. A weekly four-course fresh sheet incorporates the best of the season, while the regular menu boasts an unforgettable insalata di lingua (veal tongue and bitter greens salad) and the best collo d’agnello (lamb’s neck with tomato and capers) in town, augmented by a surprisingly affordable wine list. Mains $17-$23. 3689 W. 4th Ave., 604-676-1007.
Image courtesy of Amanda M Hatfield on flickr
Factory Party #8, Friday, 9 p.m.
The final curtain call for a series of artist-run parties hosted by the Modern Leisure’s Factory Party goes out with an all-star line up of DJs and bands, including LA’s seductive Warpaint. The Uptown, 612 8th Ave. SW, $15.
Brontoscorpio, Friday, 11 p.m.
Combining shredding metal riffs, hot babes in fur and some kind of demonic performance art, feast your eyes on the glorious and barbaric rock spectacle that is Brontoscorpio (pictured above). Broken City, 613 11th Ave. SW, $10.
Triumph of Mischief, Saturday, 2 p.m.
Fusing humour with tradition and skill, Toronto artist Kent Monkman showcases a twisted painting exhibition featuring the escapades of the semi-clad Miss Chief Eagle Testickle. Glenbow Museum, 130 9th Ave. SE, $14.
Big, Saturday, 11 p.m.
Go big or don’t go at all — Philly beat conductor Diplo takes over the decks for the party of the year alongside Mat The Alien, Smalltown DJs and Piranha Piranha. Flames Central, 219 8th Ave. SW, $25.
FARM, Sunday, 6 p.m.
Celebrating all things local, FARM is the perfect place for a group of friends to gather in a casual but upscale setting. Create your own experience with their cutting boards featuring an array of meats and cheeses, but don’t forget to try owner Janice Beaton’s potent goat cheese fritters. Seating is limited, so get there early. Mains $10 – $18, 1006 17th Ave. SW, 403-245-2276.
Brut Force, Friday, 7 p.m.
With the raw impact of art brut and the cultural savvy of contemporary pop art, French artist Valérie Sury’s paintings, illustrations and papier mâché are playful, smart and striking. Meet the artist and hear an improvised chamber trio at the Wilder & Davis Gallery’s vernissage. 257 Rachel St. E.
Bubbles and Booties, Friday, 10 p.m.
Fizz Factory’s house, techno and disco mandate will be well served by U.K. crate digger Trus’me, working the wax alongside local DJ Bleuchut. Salon Daomé, 141 Mont-Royal Ave E., $11
Polar Appeal, Saturday, 2:30 p.m.
The beauty and power of the Arctic is the starting point for Magnetic Norths, a multimedia collection of documentary artefacts and conceptual art, featuring work by the likes of Thomas Edison, Glenn Gould and Akufen. Leonard and Bina Ellen Art Gallery, 1400 de Maisonneuve Blvd. W.
Hot and Heavy, Saturday, 9 p.m.
Walk the line between metal and hardcore with stars of the fusion The Dillinger Escape Plan (pictured above), supported by Darkest Hour, Iwrestledabearonce and Animals as Leaders. Cabaret Juste pour rire, 2111 St. Laurent Blvd., $19
Animal House, Sunday, Noon
Cheer on the Griffintown Horse Palace marching unit in the St. Patrick’s Day Parade, and if you’re game, march with them to show your support for the GHP’s museum dream. Mind the hooves. St. Catherine St. and Fort St.
Image courtesy of Nirazilla on flickr
If you’ve ever wanted to know where all those ChatRoulette weirdos live, now’s your chance. ChatRouletteMap captures images of ChatRoulette users and maps them using their IP address. Find out which creeps live in your neighbourhood, and see if you made the cut.
]]>Contrast with:
]]>We can’t help but feel Bill brought this upon himself, foolishly giving his riches to charity when we could have been sitting pretty at the top of this list. Some billionaires just aren’t thankful for what they’ve got.
]]>We’ll say it again America: you’re welcome.
]]>A bunch of snot-nosed know-nothings are entering the workforce with all the wrong ideas. They think their short time on this planet should be filled with doing things they actually enjoy, with enough free time to appreciate the world around them before they meet the sweet embrace of the grave. “More vacations!” they shout. “Higher wages!” they wail. “Satisfying work!” they demand. Cry me a river Gen Y.
What happened to the good old days when people were happy to work 60-hour weeks of thankless, soul-crushing labour? We can only hope these kids wise up and get this all too forgiving world back on track.
]]>